American Political Movements

For those unfamiliar with politics in America, I must point out a new phenomenon.

But first an aside. A worthy thing it is, that we have sporting events set aside for persons who, through no fault of their own, but perhaps from birth catastrophes, fetal anoxic distress or chromosomal aneuploidy, are physically fit but mentally infirm.

These competitions are called The Special Olympics. They reward agility, teamwork and health, and are universally delightful to both participants and their loving families. Some of the participants are indeed so impaired that they are unable to distinguish between the Olympics Special and Olympics Regular. Thus, the award on the mantelpiece will be a source of pride, and the coming Vancouver Winter Games in 2010 and the London Summer Games of 2012, will be watched by many "defending champions" with admiration for their "fellow competitors."

For those as decrepit in body as mind, we have Tea Parties. Many of the participants, in fact, believe that they are part of some sort of Political Movement. They will watch the upcoming televised Republican National Convention in a few years bursting with the same sort of pride.

There are, to be sure, just as many dreadfully impaired sorts who are part of the Global Warming Movement - but Global Warming does not offer the shibboleth of abject stupidity as an entrance fee. Indeed, there are many obnoxious dolts who are proponents of Global Warming - but that alone does not suffice for identity with cretinhood.

Tea Partiers, briefly, are those who wish to organize to have everything change, except for the things which they wish to stay the same. That does not suffice for evidence of nincompoopery. The fact that their mathematical skills are so rudimentary as to cast into doubt, say, their ability to make change, is worrisome.

Cut all the taxes. Balance the Budget. Do not touch Defense. Those three tenets are sufficient to create a mathematical univese which cannot be solved.

They also rally around the phrase "No Taxation Without Representation!" which calls into question their ability to parse the sentence. Defend the Constitution and Restore Our Christian Nation, is another paradoxical mandate.

These things are what suffice for American Political Debate. They are not at the complexity of mental gymnatics of the question, say, "Is a slug really a snail, or something different?"

I hope that this suffices as informative for our non-American readership.