die Gemeinschaftspraxis

Clinic.

Caleb was crabbed.  The Goddamn Little Boss had come in from Corporate, breezing in without announcement, and bitching as usual about the work and production and such.
She hated the coffee.  That was unexpected, but since she didn't have a goddamn clue about what she was talking about, ever, she usually bitched about some witless triviality, just to make him feel cramped and irrelevant.  She fumed about the coffee and made him miserable.  She whined about Dr. Lucius, and carped about Dr. whats'er name, Peggy.

He ran a good clinic.  Screw her!  He had a degree in automated business management, and was certified, and did all the lousy things that the corporate idiots came up with.  It was fifteen more years until retirement; a slow and dense creep of the years, through the seasons, day-by-day.  And was a physician.

CGI had been a fun part of this horrid job, though.  The first halfway deployable CGI clinic heads had come out about five years ago.  Really, they had started during the medical melt-down at the end of the decade.  Everyone was scrambling to do something, and CGI had pretty much saved the day.

Alisha was the first.  Looking at her nowadays was pretty painful, of course.  Artificial something-something.  Around the time that broadscale DNA sequencing was deployed, the amount of information skyrocketed.  Nobody could even find anything in the goddamn medical chart, there was so much obligatory documentation and crap - oh yes, and then!  The videotaping of all encounters, God!  That was supposed to be easy and smooth like every other god-damn adventure, and transcribing!  All that transcript for every encounter was a mandatory part of the medical chart, along with the god-damn videotape as well.  That pretty much started the crisis.

Artificial lexical instruction something-something.  She was initially designed to carp at the meats, instruct them about their followup and their stupid lives.  They could take home the video instructions - so few meats these days could read, at least read anything they could remember.  They were much happier with this setup, than getting some piece of paper they would lose on the bus.

AlishaMD was just a mock-up head with Integrated Best-Practices access capacity, supposedly in real-time; she stuttered and paused, and looked like the Max Headroom videos of fifty years ago.

The meats loved her.  They flocked to her, they bonded, they talked, they wouldn't get out of the goddamn room.  The CGIMD project was nearly canned, until the Big Light Bulb went off - who gives a god-damn how ling the patients take in the room chattering with the electronic head?  Screw them!  Build more rooms - buy more monitors!  The stupid meats can sit in there all day and chat with the talking head!

And they would.  You needed special flow engineering to get the meat out of the seat.  It wasn't like the spin-cycle ten-minute get'em'out of the old days, but they had to be prompted to move along.  The CGIMD was set up to regulate meatflow; prompts to moove on, during the busy days and chatter-on all you want, if it's slow!  Flap that meat!

Caleb stormed into the break room.  The employee meat scattered like quail.  God, that place used to be packed with whining employees and the smell of sour milk and hopelessness.  Only Phyllis remained.  Phyllis would never miss a break, or lunch either.  Something was slowly heating up in the microwave - it smelled like peppermint sauerkraut, with some sort of revolting knuckle spinning slowly on top.  10:15 and that's gonna be the Smell of the Day in the break room.

It used to be jammed; now, even during lunch, it was cavernously empty.  Phyllis sat reading some paper book that was tattered, and looked unclean. 

Phyllis was the Last Problem Doctor.  She was the last doctor left on the staff.  She was aging in a spectacularly unattractive way, with orange hair, thinning on the crown, you could see skin.  She had flabby, fleshy earlobes, and a drab and slow demeanor.  She was from someplace out West.  She trained out West someplace, eons ago.

He said hello, but she did not move, and the peppermint stench continued to build slowly. 

"Your DFP's were down last cycle," he offered, "good job."

 She looked at him like a cow looks at a wet gate.

"Keep up the good work!" he repeated, cheerily.

"I was out sick for two days," she replied.  "Probably that was why."

Deviations From Procedure.  Mistakes from the past, bound to become a long-forgotten nuisance in a few years.  With Phyllis, it was always DFP's at least.  Best Practice clearly stated what to do for every class of patients.  For the Robinsons, it was easy.   They could simply crossmatch the patient's DNA sequence and Integrated Best Practices, and tell the patient what they were doing.  It was always correct according to the best practices.

But Phyllis, she went off in every which way and did what she felt like doing.  She must have had a guardian angel - it was always DFP's and not Practice Deficiencies - that was what they called it when a DFP went awry.

DFP's were still a problem; they damaged the database by doing nonstandard procedures, and couldn't be used to bootstrap up the revisions of the IBP.  Phyllis was lucky.  Maybe it was her bovine dullness that made her lucky.  Her DFP's didn't seem to produce bad results.

Her feedback ratings were the worst.  Sometimes, she didn't brush after lunch.  She had a cadre of loyal patients, as happened - but so did the Robinsons, The meats belonging to a Robinson were usually much more sympathetic and worshipful.  The Robinsons were like rock stars to their patients, sometimes.  He forgot why they were called Robinsons, the CGIMD's.  It didn't matter.

 Brainfart.  

Axillary ozochrotia.  Osmidrosis.  ABCC11polymorphism.  The Diné say that Bilga'ana smell like dead people.  Humans stink.  Lamb smells like lamb - you have to eat it with mint to cover up the smell.  Goat meat smells like goats.  And human meat smells like humans - a secret that some doctors learn in the autopsy rooms, if they're paying attention.  It's as classic as the lamb smell of lamb.  Bacon is bacon.  Meat is meat.  Once you learn the smell, it's everywhere.  The Diné must've choked on it.

Interview.

He had to interview one of the Robinsons, Dr. Karen Lucius.  Central reported that she was not polling well with older female patients, and Caleb had to have a talk with her.

He went down the hall to her examination room.  Actually, he could have gone to any examination room - it didn't matter, as he could call up any Robinson to any room.  They had their "own rooms," with suites, so that the help could "assist" if needed with any physical examination details.

The patients seemed to be stubbornly attached to their own Robinsons and their own waiting rooms, soothed by the ritual of care as much as anything else.  The schedulers, in fact, found that the patients gave better ratings if the doctors were ever so slightly late in their visits; it gave them some sense of familiarity, somehow.

Talking Heads, CGI's were everywhere now - they took the unpredictable and unpleasantness out of necessary encounters.  Obsequiousness was the norm - everyone had their own home assistant CGI to handle the details of their lives.

Caleb brought out the controller and pressed in.  He walked into the examination room and sat down.  Dr. Lucius was writing at her desk, the motions and the human movements - the breathing and eyeblinks - showing concentration and alertness.  She did not "know" he was there, as he had entered on observation-only mode.

The desks all had "family pictures," of course - especially for the female doctors with female patients.  This touch improved image management, as did all the other props; an old-fashioned coat rack for the white coats and stethoscope - the whole thing.

He pressed "instruct" and she looked up blankly, awaiting orders.  He smiled slightly, feeling a sense of order and importance wash over him that had fled ever since Little Boss had thrown off his groove.

"New patient visit, 63 year old female with well-controlled hypertension."

Dr. Lucius looked up with a gentle smile.  "Well, hello!" she said.  "I'm Dr. Karen Lucius, and I'll be your primary care doctor.  It's wonderful to meet you!"

Bang.  There it was.

"Before we get started, Dr. Lucius, tell me a little bit about yourself."

She smiled.  "Mrs. Smith, please call me Karen.  Well, I'm a full-time doctor here in this clinic, and I'm also a mom.  I'm thirty-five years old, married with two wonderful children., Ken and Adele...."

He hit the pause button.  It was her cleavage.  Her tits were too high for a thirty-five year old mom, and her cleavage was showing - very pleasant - but too much for an interview with an older female patient. Paydirt and just right for an old codger; but a little too showy for older female patients.  He pressed the instruct button; Lucius halted, stood and rested, breathing subtly.

Caleb watched her breasts gently rise and fall.  Very nice.

"Appearance and movement change.  Demographic, older female.  Let's take the breasts down about an inch or two.  Leave the cleavage alone but soften the highlights.  Mole to the upper left chest about two inches from base of cleavage; more sun damage on upper chest."

 That did it.  A little less noticeable for Granny.

"Save that.  Interview, Dr. Coflin.  Performance rating."  then as an afterthought, "revert changes temporarily during interview."  He really enjoyed looking at her cleavage.

Her face grew more serious, a bit pensive, still smiling.

"Karen, I've got to talk with you about your performance rating with older female patients.  Do you know any reason that you might not be keeping up with their expectations?"

She looked worried.  Perfect method acting, these Robinsons.  Her smile dropped.

"I don't know, sir.  Perhaps I've been showing a little strain recently.  I promise that I'll try harder to engage and support my older female patients."

"Well, you just do that.  I don't want to come back here one more time to deal with this problem."  He scowled and leaned across the desk."

That was perfect.  It got all of the bad feelings that the Little Boss left behind, out of his head.

"I'm sorry, sir.  I'll try to perform a little better."  Smile gone, crestfallen downward gaze.

He pressed the instruct button.  "Interview over. Resume.  Observation-only."  Karen returned to her imaginary note-taking.  Caleb sat and watched her.

One benefit of having Robinsons in your clinic was that you could do absolutely anything you want with them.  No employees with hurt feelings sobbing in the break room; no bad days, no dysmenorrhea, no back-talk.  No bitching.

Keeping a distance is one of the big matters in working with the meat.  The heads didn't need to be handled with kid gloves - go ahead, yell at them!  Belittle them!  Insult them!  They're Robinsons, it's therapeutic!

Hitting on the Robinsons was not a big deal - you can get fired for doing that with the meat.  In fact, the leadership encouraged having "relationships" with the staff, if you wished.  Anything!

CGI sex had improved so much that it was getting blurry to tell what was real and what was virtual.  Some clinic leaders had relations with all their staff; who cared?!  It just evoked the same "bonding" feelings with the Robinsons as though they were somehow real humans - and that trick was the secret of running a CGI clinic.

Caleb hadn't slept with a Robinson since his divorce, a year ago.  He'd mixed it up a little afterwards with one of his Robinsons, a feisty little Mexicana doctor named Lupe.  Anger issues got the best of him, though.  He'd gotten in an argument with her - yest, you can even argue with them, if you have a relationship!  But he 'beat her to death with a hammer', which surprised him.

Central doesn't mind, of course - the Robinson shows up right as rain the next morning at work.  Domestic violence doesn't lead to absenteeism, another benefit of employing heads.  But everything you do is watched, and Corporate figured out he was pretty stressed from his divorce.  Lupe 'went to another clinic,' Caleb got some treatment for depression - which really helped! And he had sworn off sex for a while, with meats or Robinsons, not having any sex drive for a long time anyhow.

Dr. Lucius' cleavage brought up a long-forgotten tickle, and he was bored, so he thought he'd flirt with her a little.

"Instruct.  Resume discussion.  Private."  Not part of the performance interview.

She looked up from her paperwork, and then back down, suddenly crestfallen.

"Karen.  I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.  I hope you know that was just business.  I really like the way you do your job."

She responded with a smile.  "I'm sorry, Caleb.  I've just had a lot on my mind."

"Do you have some time free after work?  I thought we could maybe get a drink."

 "Sure.  My family's out of town for a week, visiting the in-laws."

"That sounds great, Karen."  He got up to leave.  "See you after work."

Brainfart

 

Turing's tensor is simple.  T=⟨Q,Γ,b,Σ,δ,q0,F⟩ in the archaic formulation, or ⟨Λn⟩ in an ordered septuple.  Λ1 is topologically intransitive after the space is defined.  Neither manifold nor diffeomorphism, Turing space cannot be mapped smoothly onto realspace-seven.

 Apartment

 Of course, one doesn't take a Robinson from work to a bar, or dinner, or home - they're CGI's after all.  But a clinic supervisor has all the freedom he wants to play with them at home.

He could do all sorts of things, even more than one can with a meat - change them down, make them talk dirty, make them dress up - whatever!  What happens on the home computer, stays on the home computer!

He once gave a CGI date a 'breast growth medicine' only known to CGI world.  Her breasts grew slowly, to the size of softballs, bursting her blouse and bra - the size of soccer balls, and firm!  The look of astonishment on her face was priceless!

He called up Karen on his home computer.

......